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Archive for the ‘Self Improvement’ Category

Copyright (c) 2008 GainMore Advantage

Every single thing you do and say has a degree of influence on you and on others. You are part of their external environment. You even exert a small degree of gravitational force on others, indeed, you exert gravitational force on the planet! Not a lot admittedly, but your mass does attract other mass. You knew that you should have paid attention in science class now. Just as aside, it’s quite a useful factoid for use when you have gained a few pounds of weight – you do so in order to become more attractive! That’s put paid to the glamour magazines.

The same is true for other people exerting their influence over you. Everything that other people say or do is a part of your external environment and that exerts an influence in turn over your behaviour.

The external environment beyond other human beings, also has some influence over you. The weather for example – when it is raining, it is quite likely that you would alter your ‘normal’ behaviour by carrying an umbrella, or wearing a rain-proof coat. You know for sure that the weather can have a major influence over your golf. When there is lightening, you would wisely move away from the fairways under the trees or into the clubhouse. Being struck by lightening is one influence that everyone can do without.

The problem with influence is that human beings have a tendency to assume that there is little you can do to change the way something influences you. Well, let me put this straight. You can and you do. Let us take an example of something that influences us and we do something about it – almost fight its influence on our lives. One that affects us all and that is our friend gravity. You see, gravity is ever present in our lives – there are a few exceptions but since that involves travelling into space I think I can safely assume that does not include you. If, by chance you have traveled into space – my question is – how far can you hit a drive out there? Must be awesome.

Back to earth. Gravity is a pretty constant force acting on our bodies – in order to combat the effects of gravity we develop muscles and utilise energy to stand against it. We truly appreciate how much effort is involved in keeping our body upright and moving only after suffering some physical damage, such as breaking a leg, even stubbing a toe let alone paralysis. When we are reasonably fit and well, we think little or nothing of getting up from a chair and walking, and most of the time, we do all this unconsciously. We have programmed our brain to take care of operating the correct muscles, keeping balance, walking, and all the while supplying those muscles and cells with energy through breathing and circulating our blood. If you had to consciously work out how to do everything we take fro granted, your conscious mind would be so occupied, nothing else would get done.

What’s the point of this? Well, it’s simple really – there are many many things occurring in your life, including when you practice and play golf, that influence your behaviour. Some things, like gravity, the weather, daylight, animals we cannot change. and we can choose to what extent we allow such to affect us and our behaviours. We can choose to be at cause for ourselves or at the effect of the environment and others. In other words, I’m disabling your potential for ‘excuses’.

Five Levels of Influence

There are, according to John C. Maxwell, five levels of influence – each with their own rights and each with their power to influence.

Level 1 – Position – This is when you have the positional authority (aka power) over someone else and they have to follow because of the power relationship. The most familiar situation when this is displayed is between children and their parent – in the never ending cycle of “why do I have to?” the exasperated parent running short of arguments or more frequently, time, responds “because I said so!” never an effective nor motivational response, but it sums up how leaders finally resort to this positional power to cause someone else to have to do something.

Level 2 – Permission – based on relationships – where people follow because they want to as they have a good relationship with you

Level 3 – Production – based on results that you have demonstrably achieved for the organisation. People follow because of what you have done for the organisation

Levels 4 – People Development – based on reproduction – people follow because of what you have done for them personally. This is the top level for most people and is only achieved with those you have personally developed – though your reputation for enabling others to excel will allow a superior level 3 (results)

Level 5 – Person-hood – based on respect – sadly very very few people will ever achieve this. Many aspire to this level – often disenfranchised level 1 leaders who consider that others should simply respect them. Leaders who demand ‘respect’ from authority rather than earn the genuine respect and admiration of others through their actions and continual display of care and concern for others, the organisation and standing up for forthright and important values.

Your ability to influence others is often misunderstood at best, and reliant on ‘luck’ at worst. Few leaders understand their position of influence with each of their constituents and fewer still, work a deliberate plan to increase their influential effectiveness with others.

In a future article I’ll discuss how you lift your level of influence…

Wonder why many big companies choose famous TV stars to appear in their commercials and not normal people? It’s because those stars are famous. They represent wealth, reputation, skills, or popularity. When they endorse a product, you associate that star with the product. Hence, if you like the actor, you will get to like the product. And if you use the product, you tend to feel like the endorser too. This is what we refer to in the field of persuasion and influence as the law of association.

Big companies pay professional athletes large sums of money to wear certain shoes or clothes, endorse their perfumes, drive a specific car, or even eat certain foods. You might be wondering why these athletes are even asked to endorse products that are not related to them or their craft. Persuasion and influence is at work here. As long as the association is positive, it is not necessary that the correlation between the sports star and the product be directly related.

Certain people choose their friends very carefully because the behavior or actions of the people they hang out with can very much reflect on them. If you have a friend who later became a criminal, you had better watch your back because those who want to avenge may pour their bitter revenge on you, no matter how innocent you are! Be aware of this persuasion and influence principle before you associate to anyone or anything.

This is even more difficult if you have family members or relatives who portray negativities. Since we cannot choose them the same way we can select our friends, we are often strict in wanting our family members to conform to good moral values and ethics that reflect our own. Parents want their children to observe proper conduct because other people associate their children with their father and mother.

When their kids win contests or exhibit great talents, their parents are always proud to associate with them and say, “That’s my son (or daughter).”

That’s the power of association at work, and it’s not limited to people. In fact, you can associate the quality of a person, place, thing, event or anything you can think of, with the subject of your persuasion and influence.

Just think about the clothes that people are wearing. What would you think of a person wearing a cross necklace? You would probably think he is religious. You might associate someone in military attire as disciplined and brave, while someone wearing shades as cool.

If you want to make them feel something they’ve experienced in the past, you may say something like, “Remember the last time we went nature-tripping? It was the most invigorating experience we’ve ever experienced, isn’t it? We’re going to experience it again in the trip we’re going.”

The purpose is to alter the mindset and emotion of the person you’re persuading by using the right key of association. You want them to associate you or your product with positive emotions, ideas or factors. The power of persuasion and influence is fascinating, isn’t it?

(c) 2008 GainMore Advantage

When we ask this question in our workshops, we are usually met with blank stares at first. I call them ‘blank stares’ because to be looked at as if you are completely off your trolley isn’t something I choose to reinforce.

The first response from that first brave soul suggests that there is no need to influence oneself. Basically, it runs like this:

I decide to do something, I tell myself to do it, and I do it. No influence is required. I don’t have to ask myself nicely, or threaten myself with unpleasant consequences, or persuade myself that it will be worthwhile.

Really? If we could slow down the thought processes going on, you might think differently.

Let’s take a slightly different approach. I suspect that you have, inside you, at least two ‘voices’ – the pro voice and the con voice. The optimist and the pessimist. The good and the bad. You may have more, you may not consider them as ‘voices’ – that’s OK, I hope that you can work with me on the concept for a little while.

Let’s say that this is two radio stations, 55.5 and 66.6. The first station on 55.5 is supportive – bolstering your ego, always proud of you and your achievements. The second, on 66.6 is the doubter, always casting doubts in your mind, running you down, always suggesting that others are trying to get you, that you should not listen to 55.5, it always lets you down – you never realise the dreams that 55.5 suggests. 66.6 reminds you of the difficulties you had the last time you tried to do this or that. How nothing ever works for you, that it’s all about luck and fate and chance and that you just are not a lucky person. If you buy a lottery ticket, you will always miss by one number at best. That nobody else deserves to win anything either. Basically, this is a bad voice.

I can see some of you nodding your heads as you read this. Don’t worry, you’re not schizophrenic – this is normal, everyone has this going on. Some days it’s like a continuous debate, others, one or both are quiet with little to say. You know you have a problem when you cannot distinguish between the voices and which of you is real.

So, which station do you tune into?

Here’s the two stations output for a few common golfing scenarios…

66.6

Approaching the first Tee on competition day: ‘Well, it’s a lovely morning with plenty of gusty breezes to knock your ball off centre, and a touch of rain in the air, but very unpredictable whether it’ll rain now or later. You did some good practice yesterday but you know it’ll all go to pieces today don’t you? You know that you always screw up on the first drive and there’s no mulligans today. See your competition today, wow, that first group were good weren’t they. No chance you’ll keep up with them is there. Still, perhaps you can just enjoy the game for a change and not worry about winning or losing – after all you know you’ll lose, so why get your hopes up? Ridiculous game, I don’t know why you bother, should have stayed home and cut the grass. be more useful than out here, being mocked by your friends… oh no, talking of which, there they are, why do they have to come and watch my first drive. They’ll cough or chatter just as I’m lining up, I know they will. Oh well, my turn now, what a disaster, prepare for the worst and don’t get angry…

First Tee shot: So nicely lined up, but then anyone can put a ball on a tee can’t they. Now settle down, breath, how’s the grip – that instructor why did he have to change my grip, it won’t work. Right align my feet, look up, look down, those people down there, are in my line, why do they have to stand there, don’t they know they could be hit… calm yourself, that’s right, may as well get calm now, because once you hit it there won’;t be any calm left, And if you screw up this drive, it’ll all be downhill for the whole day. never recover, so get this right. Wiggle the bum, yes nice, settle, legs bent just right, what if my weight shifts before I strike then hit those people standing there. i wouldn’t mind hitting that smug bastard – he’s such a flash git. Custom clubs, custom balls, bet he cheats, never puts a foot wrong, wipe that smug grin off his face, I’ll show ‘im. Back swing, nice, but is it right, no of course not, arm down, elbow’s bent at the wrong time, as usual, THWACK….. follow-through may as well let go of the club, it’ll go further anyway.

In spite of this, by some divine intervention, the ball soars through the air and lands smack down the middle of the fairway, 220 yards at least beautifully set up for a second onto the green and a possible birdie: Whoa – didn’t know you had it in you. Nice shot, so lucky, you’d never do that again, not in a month of Sundays.

Still, plenty of time to screw up yet…

ENOUGH! Sorry, I just can’t write anymore of this – it’s just too depressing. Is this you? And, were you the one who said that they didn’t influence themselves?

55.5 on the same situation…

What a beautiful day, a few gusts, possible rain in the air. Be a good idea to look at the trees as we walk down the course, see where the gusts are going. if it rains, we’ll change clubs and, quick, borrow an umbrella from Jim there, he can pop back and get another from his car. So nice that my friends are here to cheer me on. Great guys. Now I’m going to show them a great drive. I can see it now, smack down the middle of the fairway, perfect for a chip up to the green and a birdie. I can’t wait to pick up that trophy at the end of the day. Good to have some strong competition – nothing better than a real challenge.

First Tee shot: Breath nice and deep, slow my heartbeat and see that drive. A little gusty from left to right over those trees, just align a fraction to the left because this ball’s going to soar above that line. Glove, into the zone. Complete focus, nice alignment, well done, now a beauty practice swing, nice and loose in the shoulders. Firm stance, good lad, check alignment, now trust your swing. THWACK.

In spite of this, by some divine intervention, the ball soars through the air and too far to the left, way over to the left and lands smack down into the rough by the trees, maybe even really in the trees: Beautiful drive, well done, aligned just a little too far left, so we’ll make sure to fix that. I think maybe the wind dropped as well. Nice lay-up for the second shot – I can use that chip techniques I learned from watching Seve on TV, good for a par if I’m really in the rough, and good for a birdie if it’s not too long. Good, well done.

Now, which station do you want to listen to? The one that derides you no matter how great you are, or the one that supports you and encourages you no matter how poor the shot?

“I don’t care” says someone, so long as I hit great shots I’ll put up with either. Fair enough. Which one do you think will help you enjoy your game? Which one will help you towards a stroke lying ill in bed feeling miserable and no-one coming to visit because you don’t even like yourself, let alone anyone else?

Extreme? Sadly no. Go find the most miserable-faced player in your local club and ask them which station they tune into…